Nothing’s Wrong With Me [Mental Health Mondays]

I’ve had Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 16 – at least, that’s when I was diagnosed with it. I’m halfway to 26 and I feel like I’m just coming to terms with the fact that nothing’s wrong with me.

Mental Health Mondays: Nothing's Wrong With Me | Mental Health Matters | Mental Health | Anxiety | Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Blogging | Creative Writing | RachelPoli.com

Somedays I’m Rough Around The Edges

There are days where I feel like I’m totally out of my element. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, but I feel lonely. Little things bother me, I take what people say the wrong way, I have mood swings. My mind is always spinning and I can’t stop thinking about things that are not too big of a deal.

But Somedays I’m More Down To Earth

Yet, there are some days where I feel the complete opposite. I might ignore text messages one day and the following day I try to talk to everyone in my contacts. Part of this is because I feel bad for ignoring them earlier, but it’s mostly because I actually want to talk to people. I feel good enough to engage in conversation.

Somedays I’m Sad

There are days when I get out of bed and move straight to the couch. I’ll try to get writing or blogging done, but I stare at my computer screen instead. I want to cry, though there’s nothing to cry about. I get zero things done during the day and at the end of the day, I’m angry at myself for not getting anything accomplished. Yes, I know it’s good to take a day off and take breaks, but my mind doesn’t see it that way sometimes.

But Somedays I’m Happy

Yet, there are some days where I’m all over the place. I’m extremely happy and bouncy for no reason. I get everything on my to-do list done and then some. I’m talkative, I’m awake, and I want to be around people.

Every Day I’m Me

Everyone goes through mood swings. Everyone has good days and bad days. We all feel like we have it worse than everyone else – and for some, that’s true. But we also have it better than someone else as well. We just don’t realize it.

So, yeah. Somedays I’m easy to be around and other days I’m not. But it’s me all the same.

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All About Worry Stones [Mental Health Monday]

When I was younger, I was always interested in stones and gems. Though I never knew much about them, I just thought they were pretty. I remember going on vacation with my family over the summer and getting those small, velvet string bags and shoving as many brightly colored rocks in there as I could. I never knew they really had much of a meaning.

Mental Health Monday: All About Worry Stones | Anxiety | Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Mental Health | Mental Health Matters | Creative Writing | Blogging | RachelPoli.com

What Is A Worry Stone?

Worry stones are smooth gemstones that are often in an oval shape with a thumbprint. It’s made to be rubbed in between your thumb and fingers to help calm you down and is often used for anxiety relief. Of course, not all worry stones come like that. And a worry stone can be anything you want it to be – anything that you find comfort in.

How I Learned About Worry Stones

When I was in therapy and recently diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, my therapist mentioned getting a worry stone or something of the kind for me. She thought it would bring me comfort as they were trying to step foot back into my high school. Of course, I have no idea what she was talking about. She had a small rock, nothing like the worry stone I described above, but she let me borrow it.

My mom had found a red, heart-shaped stone we had in the house and gave that to me to use. I had both and kept my therapist’s in my pocket and the one my mom gave me in my backpack since it was too big and heavier to fit in my pocket. I don’t know why or how, but it helped. For some reason, knowing I had those small objects made me feel better.

My Own Worry Stone

I had given my therapist her worry stone back the next time I saw her. I had the one my mom had given me and I was thinking of looking into getting my own anyway. Shortly after, my neighbor on the other side of the block (we’re not very close, but we talk to her once in a while), stopped by my house and gave my mom and small, oval-shaped worry stone made from rose quartz. Her two kids (both are younger than me) have anxiety and use worry stones. When she heard from the grapevine (meaning my whole neighborhood seemed to know I was having a rough time) that I had anxiety, she had gotten me a worry stone saying it helped her kids a lot.

Rose Quartz is pale pink stone (like the ones in the photo above) and is said to give off energy pertaining to love, happiness, and passion. I was so touched that this neighbor had thought of me and went out of her way to pick me out a worry stone despite us not being very close.

I kept that stone in my pocket every single day. Until I accidentally broke it.

Jasper Worry Stone

Apparently, Rose Quartz has grooves in them looking like cracks. They’re not cracks, but they’re fragile enough to be like cracks, so guess what’ll happen if you drop it on the floor? I had that particular worry stone for a few years and had it in my pocket every day. It was special, not just because it helped with my anxiety, but because it was given to me from someone special.

I was away for the weekend with my family. I had gone into the bathroom to take a shower. I took the worry stone out of my pocket and placed it on the sink counter – except I missed. The stone fell and hit the tiled floor splitting into two even pieces. I was so upset. Luckily, we happened to be near a shopping area and one store was an elemental store.

It was cool, it had Harry Potter stuff, Tarot cards, gemstones, and more. They had a decent selection of worry stones, though they were completely out of rose quartz. I got a brown stone (I believe it’s a Jasper stone, but I honestly can’t remember). It’s thinner than the one I had, but was oval and had thumbprint.

I didn’t feel the same effect having that one as opposed to my rose quartz one. I wasn’t sure if that was because I wasn’t used to it or if it was because I felt so bad I had broken the rose quartz one.

Some Bad News

Or it might have been because, the day we got home from that weekend trip, a day or two after my stone broke, we found out my neighbor – the one who had given me the stone – had cancer. It was a rare cancer and it a late stage. They weren’t expecting her to live much longer. I’m not superstitious, but for some reason, I felt as though my worry stone breaking was sort of an omen.

I never got rid of the broken stone. I still have both pieces and they’re sitting on the shelves above my bed with my other worry stones. I thought, if I had thrown the pieces away, it would have been the end of my neighbor. It sounds weird, I know, but that’s how I felt.

I’m happy to stay she’s still here with us and cancer-free. It took her a few years, but she won the battle. I still won’t be throwing out those pieces. Superstitions aside, it’s special to me and was my first worry stone.

A Collection of Worry Stones

I now have five worry stones. Three rose quartz, not including the broken on, the Jasper stone, and a white stone. (I bought the white one after I bought the Jasper stone. I figured having a back up would be a good idea in case I accidentally dropped another stone.) I bought another rose quartz stone, similar to the one I had before because the rose quartz seemed to make me feel the best.

I got two other rose quartz stones from a friend. Once he found out I dropped my first one, he immediately ordered me a new one, unknown to me. He ended up ordering two because when the first one arrived, it was a bigger circle (as you can see in the picture above) and he thought it was too big. So he ordered another. So, I have two rose quartz stones that were the same size as my original plus the Jasper and white one.

I like the big one though. I often wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks and holding onto my worry stone will help me fall back to sleep. Of course, I tend to lose them under my pillow or in my sheets. I use the bigger one at night and I don’t lose it in my bed. I can easily find it when I wake up the next morning.

I’m Grateful

I’m lucky to have so many people who care about me enough to hunt down small stones for me just to make me feel better. I have a worry stone in my pocket at all times every single day. Though, I’m at the point where I don’t need it on me at all times. If I’m wearing pants with no pockets, I can get away with leaving my stone in my backpack or wallet. But it’s still near me in some way.

I find it interesting that a small stone can help you and make you feel better, but I’m glad it does.

Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below. If you liked this post, please share it around.

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Musical Mondays: Zero By Imagine Dragons

Musical Monday: Zero by Imagine Dragons | Music Video | Mental Health | Blogging | RachelPoli.com

This is a fairly new song to me. When my sister saw the Wreck-It Ralph 2 movie, Ralph Breaks the Internet, she was addicted to this song for a little while. I heard it and was too addicted, but soon forgot about it. I saw the movie for the first time just a couple weeks ago and I had forgotten all about this song.

When I first heard it a while ago, it reminded me of me. It reminded me of when I was high school and I still feel like this at times, though not nearly as often.

This is a catchy, up-beat song but the lyrics sing a different tune. I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this or if the song was even meant to do this, but it reminds me on the contrast of your mind going crazy and yet you’re putting on a smile and going about your day as though nothing is wrong. The lyrics are your mind, but the catchy tune is the smile plastered on your face just getting through the day.

Overall though, it’s a good song. And I’m glad I don’t feel like this all the time anymore.

What did you think of the song? Let me know in the comments below! If you liked this post, please share it around.

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My Diagnosis Story [Mental Health Monday]

Welcome to another Mental Health Monday. Today, I’m going to talking about when I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Mental Health Monday: My GAD Diagnosis Story | Mental Health | Mental Health Matters | Anxiety | Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Creative Writing | Blogging | RachelPoli.com

Heading To High School

I was never a social butterfly, especially in school. High school was hard. I just wanted to get through each day and make it to the end of the year which would eventually lead to graduation. I felt like I was in a rut – wake up, go to school, do homework, go to bed. I also had a job and babysat in the afternoons as well so there wasn’t a whole lot of room for downtime. But, I much preferred to go to work and babysit than go to school.

I don’t remember middle school being like this. I didn’t really like middle school either, but I had a good group of friends. That group was lost by the time I headed into high school. One friend moved towns so she went to a different high school. Another friend had decided to go to a trade school. One friend stopped talking to me because he deemed himself a “cool high school” kid as he tried to fit in. Another friend did the same – except she didn’t have many other friends. So, as she tried to find her place, she remained “friends” with me. But she wasn’t happy about it.

(There was another friend in the group and she and I are still friends to this day. So something good came out of this.)

Anyway, when I was a freshman my sister was a senior. I often hung out with her and her friends because they were better than hanging out with than people in my class. This particular friend did the same because she thought hanging with seniors made her cool. However, she was going through some difficult times so when my sister and her friends graduated, she was completely lost. So was I, to be honest.

But instead of sticking together, she wanted nothing to do with me… but she still hung around me anyway.

Junior Year

Halfway through my high school career, it was the first day back from winter break (if I remember correctly… it was January, I remember that much). My alarm woke me up and something flipped a switch. I turned off the alarm, rolled over, and went back to sleep. My mom came up to wake me a while later. I told her I wasn’t going to school. She assumed I needed a mental health day and let me skip.

But each morning was the same. I woke up just to go back to sleep. Eventually, I didn’t even set my alarm anymore. I would only get out of bed until it was “safe.” Meaning, I’d be so late for school and everyone else was at school or work so I’d have no way of getting to school anyway.

My poor mother was at a loss. Even I was at a loss. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to school. Even when my mom said, “Your job is to go to school,” “You need to go to school,” or, “Why don’t you want to go to school?” I responded logically in my head. “I know my job is to go to school,” “I know I need my high school diploma,” and, “I have no idea why I don’t want to go.” But out loud I simply replied, “I don’t want to.”

Doctor Appointments

My mom took me to go see my primary care doctor. She too was at a loss and was kind of harsh about the situation. She asked what I did all day. I told her I’d clean the house, I’d get my writing done, sometimes I would just chill and get the chance to sit and watch TV. I was still going to my job and still babysitting. I just didn’t want to go to school. That was totally not okay in my doctor’s book. She told my mother that if I wasn’t going to go to school, then I wasn’t allowed to do anything else.

Needless to say, we got a second opinion. When we went back to the doctor’s, we saw someone different. She was more sympathetic and in tune to what we all had to say. That fact that I had no idea why I didn’t want to go to school was totally okay with her.

They wondered if I had depression, but because going to school was the only thing I refused to do, it was confusing to them. If I had depression, I most likely wouldn’t want to write or go to work. So, the doctor referred us to a therapist.

Going To Therapy

Our neighbor was in therapy for anxiety and she recommended her therapist to us. I saw her for a few years and it was the best thing that I ever did. But still, it took a while to figure things out.

A lot of things came to light. I explained to her about my “friend” – who thought I was lying to her about why I wasn’t coming to school, thus spread rumors about me that I had died, and so on. I explained to her how most of my teachers weren’t on my side. My high school classes were split into two levels – academic and honors (honors being a higher level than academic). I was in all academic my freshman year and even though I had As and Bs, I had to argue to get into honors classes. My teachers all thought honors would be too hard for me.

So, when all this happened, they dropped me down to academic classes because they assumed I was too overwhelmed with the work, despite my grades. I had trouble with oral presentations, but I still got good grades in all my classes (except math. Math is awful, but I was never in honors for math and I knew that was the right choice). My point is, if my teachers didn’t believe in me, then why was going to going to spend six hours a day with them?

One of my teachers even spoke about my grades to this “friend” of mine. My friend called me saying, “You had better get your work in because she doesn’t know what grade to give you for your report card.” This was the friend who told my classmates I had died. This was my friend who I was there for when she went through her own mental health issues in eighth grade and was now thinking I was lying to her. This was the friend who saw my issues as a gossip-fest. This was the friend who never once called me this entire time to see how I was feeling – expect to “scold” me about my schoolwork.

Now, mind you, at this point, I was going after school for an hour to be tutored and get my work done. This particular teacher, my English teacher ironically, was the only teacher who had not given me work. How can I pass in non-existent work? And then she was talking to my classmates about my grades.

It was shortly after this that we all mutually – my mom, therapist, and I – agreed that I would not be going back to high school. A lot of things came to light and everyone realized that my high school simply wasn’t the best place for me. My therapist also thought that I was just the type of person to know what I wanted and high school couldn’t give that to me.

Some Good Things Did Come From This

I was ready to drop out. I didn’t think I had any other choice. My therapist actually found a Dual Enrollment program at my local community college. I would be able to go to that college and take classes for a year to fill up the rest of my high school requirements. Yet, the credits will also go towards a college degree. So, my first year of college killed two birds with one stone. I still graduated high school and got my diploma and I was already halfway done with my Associate’s degree.

I was able to stop being friends with that particular person. Which is kind of sad in a way because we were friends since third grade. But, looking back, she was even like that in elementary school. It was just something I never noticed.

I’ve learned a lot too. Everything I do now – the blogging, the writing, business, and marketing – it’s all stuff I taught myself through research and hands-on experience with trial and error. Maybe I should have gone to college for business or something of the like, but I’ve come so far myself. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished despite all I went through to get to this point.

It’s Still There

I still struggle with my anxiety on a day to day basis. Some days are definitely harder than others. It still affects my relationships. I have a hard time running errands sometimes. It actually took me a really long time to understand the anxiety myself. This post came out a lot different than I intended it to, but it still felt good to write.

Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below. If you liked this post, please share it around.

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What Is Generalized Anxiety Disorder? [Mental Health Monday]

Here we are, already into February for 2019. This year is going to fly by just like the past few previous years. If you’ve been staying up to date with me, you’ll know that I have added a new feature onto the blog for this year – Mental Health Monday. This is the second post in the series, the first talking about why I’m opening up about it.

In that post I talked about how I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). So many people believe “anxiety” is a loose term, but it’s actually an umbrella for multiple types of anxiety. For a long time, I thought anxiety was just one category as well. I mean, we all have a little anxiety inside of us – whether we’re about to take a big test in school or we need to stand up on stage and do a public speaking event.

In the end though, some of us get it worse than others.

Mental Health Monday: What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder? | Mental Health | Anxiety | Anxiety Disorders | GAD | Blogging | Creative Writing | RachelPoli.com

Types of Anxiety Disorders

As I stated before, anxiety occurs in all of us in some form of another. Most of the time it’s passed over as just being nervous for a certain test but we all get the sensation once in a while. In that sense, anxiety can be used loosely, but there are anxiety disorders such as:

  • Social Anxiety – when a person has intense fear of social situations. This can be eating in public, being among a crowd of people, or making small talk with as little as one or two people. Social anxiety makes you feel like people are criticizing whatever you’re doing or saying. You might say something wrong or stupid and end up embarrassed going home at the end of the night lying wide awake thinking, “Why did I have to say that…?”
  • Panic Disorder – when a person has panic attacks that are intense and uncontrollable combined with physical symptoms.
  • Specific Phobias – we all have something we’re afraid of though, for some, it can be pretty intense and bring on anxiety attacks and throw your whole day off.
  • OCD & PTSD – while these aren’t considered anxiety disorders, anxiety may be present in both of these.

And finally, there’s…

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

This anxiety disorder is when someone feels excessive worry and is anxious about many different things. We overthink and plan out every simple thing and plan ahead even more in case something goes right or something goes wrong. Most often than not, we assume something will go wrong and worry, worry, worry about it 24/7. We believe it will go wrong so much that we tend to end up making things go wrong. Because, in our heads, it already went wrong before it even started.

This has effected many aspects of my life throughout the years – school, work, relationships – you know, everything that’s important in life. However, before I was diagnosed, I thought I was just weird and simply overthinking things. I couldn’t understand how to get my mind to stop. Then, when I was diagnosed… I still didn’t get it.

It Took Me a Long Time to Understand GAD

It wasn’t until fairly recently that I’ve come to terms with GAD and truly figured out what it meant for me to have it. I’ve had GAD since I was 16 – about nine years now – and it wasn’t until last year, 2018, that I realized what goes on in my head.

I mean, truth be told, I may never fully understand it, but I know more now than I used to. Even after I was diagnosed with GAD, I thought it was just the “official” term for “anxiety.” You know, professionals sounding fancy. Apparently, I have more than that.

I’ve always been a worrier and never showed it too much when I was younger because, even though I was truly freaking out, deep down I knew there was nothing to be worried about. Then something flipped a switch inside my brain in high school and all of the sudden I had GAD. I’ll get into that story in the next Mental Health Monday post, but it’s interesting to me how I’ve gone my whole life like this and didn’t have a clue that there was something more going on in my mind.

What Do You Mean “Worry?”

I worry over stupid stuff. I mean, I guess it’s not necessarily “stupid,” but in hindsight it doesn’t seem like it matters.

Anything I do or say, I worry is “wrong.”

For example, if I text someone and they don’t reply for a while, I don’t immediately think they’re at work and can’t reply. I don’t think they’re hanging out with friends and just haven’t checked their phone. I don’t think they’re phone is on silent and they just didn’t notice the text ping through. I don’t even think they’re busy in any way, shape, or form.

My immediate thought is that I said something wrong, stupid, selfish, embarrassing, what have you. My immediate thought is that they’re not replying because they saw my text, gave it a weird face, and put their phone down because they don’t know how to answer me.

Or worse, they’re ignoring me because they suddenly hate me despite us hanging out the night before.

This is sometimes why it takes me a while to reply back. I’m afraid to say something stupid and I need to craft the perfect response – or sometimes I’m just having a really bad day and can’t talk to people. By me doing that, I’m doing the exact same thing I’m afraid you’ll do to me… see the vicious cycle?

It Makes Me Feel Self-Centered

Now, I know people get busy. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. I know people have other friends and family than just me. So, when I get upset or worried that someone doesn’t reply, I immediately feel guilty for thinking like that in the first place. Or I’ll text them again and again after a little while. I’ll panic wondering if my text messages are even going through. When they do reply, I’ll apologize and feel upset for bothering them.

Which is another thing. If I text someone first, I feel like I’m bothering that person even though I know they don’t have to respond. If they don’t respond, then I assume they hate me. So, I rarely text people first. But if someone doesn’t text me first, I assume they hate me and don’t want to talk to me.

See the whole self-centered thing? I’m getting a headache just writing this.

Texting Isn’t The Only Example

Texting is just one way my mind goes in circles. I think that’s a good enough example for now though.

My original point of this post was to explain what exactly GAD is and how it effects my way of thinking. A lot of my real life friends know I have “anxiety” but don’t understand that I have GAD and when I tell them, they get confused and don’t know what it is. I’ve been diagnosed with this for nine years and, like I said, I just fully understood it myself just last year. So, it’s hard when no one else seems to have a clue what’s going on inside your head.

Not that I expect them all to understand. They can’t put themselves in my shoes and I wouldn’t want them to. But now, at this point in my life, I think it’s time I start sharing and explaining things more. Maybe it will help in the long run.

Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below. If you liked this post, please share it around.

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Why I’m Opening Up [Mental Health Monday]

Mental health is important. It’s everywhere and effects a lot of people. Some people you know about and others don’t open up about it for whatever reason or they hide it. We’ve been talking about mental health more in recent months and it’s something that should always be talked about. There’s no shame in mental health – just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take care of yourselves in that sense.

Yet, mental health is a tricky subject. There are still people out there who don’t “agree” with mental health or don’t think it “exists.” This is bizarre to me, but maybe that’s because I have mental health issues myself that it’s hard for me to put myself in someone’s else’s shoes and believe it’s “all in my head.”

Mental Health Monday is a new feature I’m adding to the blog in 2019 that will be posted once a month. I’ve started talking about my mental health more in 2018 – though I’ll admit it was just a handful of times on Twitter (I think). I wanted to talk about it more in 2019 and beyond. I also wanted to add more “personal” posts on this blog and mental health is a huge topic and it’s a huge part of who I am.

Mental Health Monday: Why I'm Opening Up | Anxiety | Generalized Anxiety Disorder | Creative Writing | Blogging | RachelPoli.com

Why I’m Opening Up

Like I said, I’ve never really talked about my mental health before. Despite wanting to do more personal posts and letting you guys get to know me more, I wanted to talk about my mental health on the blog – for the whole Internet and world to see – for one reason only.

I’m ready.

I have been diagnosed since I was 16 – so it’s been about nine years. If I remember correctly, I was diagnosed in January or February. Needless to say, it’s been a long time. Aside from a few close people who knew, I never talked about it. Even though I had been officially diagnosed by a professional, part of me still wasn’t sure what was “wrong” with me.

When I quit my job almost two years ago now, I’ve done quite a bit of soul searching and – this will sound weird but – I’ve done a lot of research on myself and my mental health. This has led me to become ready to be more open about my mental health and about who I am as a person.

This is who I am.

I don’t know what made me decide to do the research. I don’t know why I had waited so long. I don’t know why I had decided to do it after I quit my job. Maybe it was because I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. I didn’t know how to get from point A to point B. I made a huge decision. I took a big risk. Maybe it was because of that I decided to do some soul searching. Not to mention, a lot of things have happened in my life that was effected by my anxiety. I took the time to finally sit down and figure out what goes on in my mind.

I did the research, which consisted of reading articles from The Mighty as well as going on Pinterest. It was the biggest eye-opener I’ve ever had. Every article I read was me. Everything that was listed in those blog posts were things I think about every day. They were things I do, things I say. Little quirks I have are “normal” for someone like me. It was weird for me to realize that because even though I’ve been diagnosed and I know it’s a common thing, I always thought I was the only one.

It made me realize, this is who I am. This is normal for me. I’m normal, even if others don’t always see that.

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

I’ll save the diagnosis story for another time, but I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. A lot of people think there’s just “anxiety” and that’s it, but there are various kinds of anxiety. Some get it worse than others, some are diagnosed with different types. I don’t have just anxiety, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’ll explain more about what GAD is in the next post.

Until then, I hope you enjoy this series. I’m looking forward to talking about it. I’m ready to open up.

I hope you enjoy this new series on the blog. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. If you liked this post, please share it around.

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Day 27

28334/50000 Words

Lookie! Lookie! Look at the word count!

Ha ha, I tricked you…it’s still the same.

But this is okay…even though I only have, what? Three days left?

Let’s start with this: The reason as to why I haven’t posted on here in a while is because I went away for the Thanksgiving weekend. I hope that everyone had a good Thanksgiving, by the way. 🙂 The other reason is because, as you can clearly see from the word count, I have not written anything in a while. This is why:

I went onto my computer and I opened up Saving Each Other last week or whenever it was. It is right at the spot where my outline ended. I also noticed that I tried to write a little past the outline. I have three paragraphs about Blake waking up and being bored while Sierra and Luke are still sleeping. Wow! What an interesting read! As I’m reading this I’m trying to think, “Where was I going with this…?” Absolutely no where! So I told myself that while I was away, I would bring my outline and write a little more in it. Then I realized that I don’t know where this book is supposed to end. Saving Each Other is the first novel of five…or six. I’m pretty sure it’s five, though.

While I was away, I was actually a tiny bit productive because I planned out the gist of what is going to happen in each of the other books. So I realized where Saving Each Other is going to end so I can pick up where I left off on the next one. I started to write a little more of the outline again, but I didn’t get very far. I just kind of came to the conclusion that I’m at the climax of the story, so I really don’t think that I have too much more to write. It will be over 50K words, but I don’t know if it will make it to…say 100K or something obnoxious like that.

Anyway, now that I know what I’m going to be doing for the rest of the story; well, I guess I should say I know where to stop, I finally feel like I can continue. My only issue is that I have a little over 20K more words to write and I have three days to do it. I have school work, finals are sneaking up, I’m still working, and all that fun crazy stuff. I looked on my stats on NaNo and it told me that I have to write a little over 5K a day in order to finish on time. Well, this is going to be an issue because it’s the end of the semester and all my professors are realizing that they have a lot more stuff to teach us.

I guess this just means that I’m going to be staying up late for the next few nights. 5K a day isn’t actually that bad. I have done it before. But I don’t think I had school at the time. So I’m going to procrastinate on my homework–I’ll leave all that for December first to do–and I’m going to write in my two-hour break in between classes today. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to write at all tonight (long story short, my friend’s cat burned her paw and my boyfriend is the only person we know with an aloe plant). Tomorrow is Wednesday and I have no idea if I’m going to have any time to write. My sister and I have been playing The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword a lot lately and we’ve almost beaten the game. She actually has the day off on Wednesday from work so after my school and my work, we’ll probably be playing that all night. Thursday, I think I’ll be good because I just have one class so I can write while I’m in school, then after work I have the rest of the night. Friday…I’m screwed. That’s the last day to get anything in and I’m not going to be home at all that day.

So I basically only have two days to write (well, I could skip playing Zelda, but we all know that’s not going to happen…Link’s too adorable!) and if I have to write a little over 5K a day, then I guess that means I have to write a little over 10K a day. This is going to be an interesting challenge…I also realized the other day that if I really did write 2K words a day this whole month, I would have ended with 60K. Now in the next few days, if I happen to make it to 60K that would be completely awesome. However, I think I’m only going to focus on the 50K. If I go over, that’s cool. I’m not going to blind myself by the computer screen. Well, I guess I already will be by trying to get to 50K.

On a different note, but I guess it can be half-different because this could be another reason as to why I haven’t been writing lately. I came up with yet another series. I’m not surprised though, I always come up with a million ideas that I never finish…or sometimes even start. But I have to say that I really like this idea and it may just be the next thing that I write. I wrote it down plus with a few ideas for it so that I don’t forget it. However, I am not going to say anything about it now because I know that I’m going to end up wanting to write that today instead of writing Saving Each Other.

As stated earlier, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday and weekend and I’ll hopefully update tomorrow with whatever I write today. Wish me luck and I hope all of you aren’t as behind as me! 🙂

About One More Week

NaNo starts next Thursday. That gives me a little less than one week to finish my outline for Saving Each Other. I know that I started working on this outline around the beginning of October, but I have been busy with a lot of other things. For example, homework. Not to mention that I have a little more homework now because I skipped school this past Wednesday.

Yes, I am sick. Therefore, I have not been working on anything at all. No writing, no homework, no nothing. I haven’t even been able to go hang out with my friends. The only thing I have been doing is playing Pokemon Conquest and I have to say that I am getting very far in the game. Well, I also have been going to work, but that’s only because we’re short-staffed and I hate calling out of work in the first place.

I’m angry because I only have science class on Mondays and this upcoming Monday my science class was cancelled. No school for me! Which is a great thing because I’m sick so I can have an extra day of the weekend to sleep in. Well, I checked my e-mail last night and guess what? Math class is cancelled for today. Fantastic, yes? Not at all…we have to “make it up.” And guess when we have to make it up? Yes, on Monday. -_- So here I am in the library at school waiting around until 10:30 for my science class. I guess for today it’s good because having one class is better than two. But on Monday…one class is definitely not better than none.

Yes, I am at school waiting around for two hours for my class to start that I don’t even want to go to. I’m coughing up all my insides, wheezing, I’m exhausted from lack of sleep, and I’m a bit dizzy. Of course, I can’t miss this class because then this would be my third time skipping this class this semester and that would mean I would have to attend all of November…let’s face it, I am not going to attend all of November whether I’m sick or not. I’m going to go to class early and talk to my teacher about missing Wednesday and I’m really hoping that she’s like, “Oh, Rachel you look awful! You should go home and get some rest.” And then I’m home free. That could happen…right? No, probably not.

Here’s a funny story for you: yesterday I came to school for my Health class. On Thursdays Health is the only class that I have. My professor is very weird and awkward. She’s in her 50s (I think) and all she talks about is her boyfriend. His name is Steve. I shouldn’t know that. Anyway, she can be nice when she wants to be, but if she doesn’t like you, she makes it known. For example, she talks to me just fine and I could actually have a normal conversation with her if I wanted to, but all the other girls at my table…well, we can just say that my professor is very bitter towards them. If they’re talking while she’s talking, she’ll call them out on it. If anyone else in the class is talking while she’s talking, it’s as though she doesn’t notice.

But enough about that, I got to class at 8:45 yesterday when class starts at 9:00. It was just the two of us in the room and I was coughing:
Professor: “Rachel, is that you I hear coughing over there?”
Me: Well, there’s no one else in here, so I guess so… “Yeah, that’s me.”
Professor: “Do you have allergies or are you getting sick?”
Me: “I’m sick.”
Professor: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

And that was the end of that. Now here’s the real kicker; about…maybe five or six times during the course of the class she kept asking me if I was okay. Whether I was coughing or just sitting there paying attention to her talking about absolutely nothing, she would interrupt herself to ask if I was okay:
Professor: “Now what that means is–Rachel, are you okay?”
Me: *Completely confused* “Yeah?”
Professor: “Anyway, what that means…”
And again…
Professor: “If you work–Rachel, are you sure you’re okay?”
Me: Can you just leave me alone? “Yes.”

And then at the end of class she says to me: “You know, you really do look lousy.”

…Thanks. -_-

Anyway, I really hope no one says anything to me today because then I’m not going to be a happy camper. I already feel like crap from being sick. I have to get myself through this school day and then get myself through work…with ten children today. I have an extra one. Yipee…yesterday I was trying to talk to the kids and the more I talked the softer my voice got because I kept coughing so I was losing my voice. Eventually the kids turned around and walked away as if they were like, “We don’t know what you’re saying, so we’re just gonna go now…bye.”

Let’s hope that this is an easy day for me and that I don’t have to do much at all. Except I have to finish that outline and do some homework. Meh.