Jokes For Writers

I don’t know what made me think of this, but a while ago I was on Pinterest looking at some writing things. I found a couple of “jokes.”

They’re not necessarily funny, but they’re clever. Of course I laughed really hard at both of them.

Whenever I tell these jokes to people they laugh because I’m laughing so hard that they probably pity me for being such a dope.

Maybe you guys will appreciate the jokes, though. I found both of them on Pinterest, so I don’t know who originally posted them. But they’re funny all the same.

Dig

It actually took me a couple of minutes to actually get this one. I had to read it a couple of times before I finally understood it. I was never very good at telling and listening to jokes, so… Don’t judge me.

Tense

I found this one absolutely hilarious. Unlike the other one, I actually understood it right away.

If you guys have any other jokes like that, let me know. I enjoy them.

But maybe that’s just me.

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Thoughts On Life

Warning, This Is A Really Long Post…

Kris and I tend to have a lot of conversations about our future. For some strange reason, I was beginning to think about again this morning. Kris was home with me, but she was in the shower so I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. Except for Hunter.

Yes, he is sitting in a drawer. This pic was taken a while ago, though.
Yes, he is sitting in a drawer. This pic was taken a while ago, though.

He seemed to agree with me on half of the things I said, too. Well…he meowed a lot, anyway. But together, in the half hour Kris was in the shower, he and I took a long, hard look at life.

I was always the type of person to have a plan.  I always stuck to that plan no matter what and it was very hard for someone or something to change my mind.

When I was in first grade, I was six-years-old,  I loved my teacher a lot. Her name was Mrs. McCarthy. I have two memories from that class: one was that she had a beanie baby named Tiny. Every Friday one kid in the class was chosen to take it home for the weekend. Memory number two is that I remember telling her, “I’m going to be a first grade teacher just like you.” I kept half of that promise. I do want to be a teacher and have wanted to be a teacher ever since.

When I was in fifth grade, I was ten, my sister found the FanFiction website. I wasn’t really all that interested in it, but I wanted to copy her because I was an annoying little sister. I created a story for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because that was my obsession at the time. The writing sucked, to be blunt. My spelling was terrible, I had no idea what grammar was, and for the most part there was no plot. I just threw a little girl into the turtles’ laps and based her off of me. As I got older, I took the story down and re-vamped it. It was popular and I continued on. I found the sister site, FictionPress, which is all original stuff. I posted a few things on there, came up with millions of novel ideas, and thought to myself, “Why post these on the internet when I could get them published?” That was when I got my start at writing.

But I still wanted to be a teacher. How was I to write and be a teacher at the same time? Mind you, at this point in time I thought authors made millions of dollars by just selling one book. I didn’t realize how difficult it truly is. But I thought writing was going to be so much work (which it is), so how was I to write full time all day every day and still be able to teach first grade?

“I’ll be an English teacher!” I finally came to a conclusion. I never really thought about what grade I wanted to teach, but I was gonna go with it for the time being. I love Spanish, too. There was some point in my life where I kept flip-flopping back and forth between being an English teacher and a Spanish teacher.

Then I got to seventh grade, I was 12. My aunt suddenly passed away from a brain aneurysm. She and the rest of my family were over for my birthday, seeming completely fine, and two days later she was gone. She left behind Jackie and Kat (who were 3 and 1 at the time) and my Uncle behind. Two weeks later we had to put my dog Casey down due to seizures. This was around the time Hunter came into the picture (he was a stray), but that’s another story for another time.

Most of my writing during that time was sad and gloomy. Most of the things I wrote on FanFiction was in the humor section and I got a lot of reviews with people telling me that my work was so funny that they printed it out to share with their friends and such like that. But when she left behind her daughters, there was no one else to watch them while my Uncle was at work, so we took them in. I was the youngest of three and then suddenly a middle child of five. It was the biggest change of my life and it’s not something I would wish upon anybody.

I love my cousins to death and I am glad we did what we did to help them and my Uncle out, but when you’re 12 it’s tough to see just how good of a deed you’re really doing. But ever since then, I was done with change. I didn’t care if it was good or bad, I didn’t need anymore surprises in my life.

But people tell you that when you get to high school, things change. Your friends, even yourself, changes. “That will never!” I declared. I had the best group of friends in the world. Alyssa, Mary, Christina, and Kerri. I had known Christina and Kerri since elementary school and Alyssa and Mary came into the picture in middle school, sixth grade.

But at the beginning of ninth grade, high school…things changed. Just like people told me they would. Mary moved to another town so she went to a different high school. Alyssa went to a vocational school. Only Christina, Kerri, and I were at school together, but while I had a few classes with Kerri, I never saw Christina around. I kept in touch with Alyssa and kept in touch with Mary through Alyssa. But as each day passed, we talked less and less. Now we get in contact with each other once every few months and never hang out anymore.

Junior year was the bulk of when everything happened. I had just turned 16 and while everyone else was learning how to drive, I said no thank you. I wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t going to be for a very long time. Kerri changed drastically that year to the point that I haven’t spoken to her since. And I changed, as well. I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but I was straying from the path that I had been on so for so.

Long story short, after Christmas break, I did not go back to high school. I refused to go. My teachers were baffled, my parents didn’t know what to do, and I had no idea what had come over me. I hated the kids in my class, none of my teachers seemed to believe in me, and I was realizing that Kerri didn’t believe in me, either. We got in a huge fight because when she asked me what was going on with me, I told her I didn’t know because I truly didn’t know. She got angry at me thinking I was keeping something from her. That was the end of our friendship.

For the second half of my junior year I stayed home all day and went in after school to be tutored for a while to make sure I finished my junior year. I went into therapy where I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and had to be put on medication. I only had two teachers supporting me and the rest thought it was because I just needed to be in lower classes. I was put in the low classes all my life when I got A’s and B’s. I had to fight to get into the higher classes and now they were putting me down again. I had it with teachers. I had it with school. I was ready to drop out and not bother going to college.

My therapist found this “dual enrollment” program at a local community college. I was able to finish my high school diploma there and the courses would also count towards my degree. I went with it. And I’m glad I did. I not have my Associate’s degree in early childhood education. I’m starting my Bachelor’s in the Fall for English.

I hate change. I always hated it thinking I would never get through, but my entire life has changed in a million different directions and each time I adapted. I went from wanting to be a teacher, to an English teacher, to possibly a Spanish teacher, to finally deciding on being a preschool teacher (working towards owning my own preschool and being director) ,all while being a writer. I went from a group of four friends to just the one (Christina and I chat ever day). I went from being an almost high school drop-out to being a college graduate. And I have plans to get my Bachelor’s in English, Master’s in Business, and go back for a certificate in Special Ed. I went from being the youngest child to being one of the oldest.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that…I’m ready for anything else that life throws at me. I have a lot more schooling to get done and I have a ton of books to get published. Who knows what’s going to happen?

Update This And Update That

I Have Important Things To Say….

 

I have no idea where to start! I have a lot to say and I don’t know if I’m going to remember it all. I had Starbucks today and I am extremely wired! Seriously, ask my sister…and my mother…I was bothering them both. Singing, dancing, making weird noises, walking funny, yelling, laughing, falling on the floor, being loud…true story.

ANYWAY, I have three things to talk about…at least that’s all I can remember that I had to talk about…

First, Spilled Ink is back up for business. About two years ago, my sister and I started a writing website. Life got in the way and we kind of let it die. However, we wanted to get back into it so we made a new website for it. We came up with some new ideas for it, kept some old ideas and scrapped the rest of the old ideas. We hope the website grows a lot and is very successful.

Let me tell you a little about it: There are prompts, tips, writing races, co-authoring, and a role-playing section. There’s a place where members can review and discuss books they have read. Also, each member has their own board where they can post their own stories and other people can review the stories. You know, give feedback and critique. The link is on the Come Find Me page of this blog, but here it is again: Spilled Ink. Please go check it out and if you like, go ahead and join. We’d love to have you. 🙂

Next, I was thinking of adding more to this blog. My sister gave me this idea a while ago and I have been thinking of doing it ever since. I just never got the chance to actually do it. I was thinking about it more today and I think I’m going to really do it. However, I want to get your opinions anyway. So, if you don’t mind, please comment on whether you would enjoy this and want me to do this: once a month, I was thinking of doing a volg (video blog, for those of you who don’t know). So, once a month instead of posting words, you’d get to hear it straight from my loud mouth. Wouldn’t that be awesome? I don’t know when I would actually start doing this, but I thought I would throw it out there and see if you guys would like that or not. Of course, if the majority of you say no I may do it anyway. 😀

Third, I guess I should update about my actual writing, huh? I have been writing bit by bit each day since my last post. Since my last post I have written 7,659 words on Take Over. I plan on writing a little more tonight, but I probably won’t get the chance to update this later tonight and tell you all how wonderful I have been doing with my writing! I’ve been a good girl lately. 😀

I guess I do have more to talk about…fourth, my sister and I went to Barnes and Noble today (hence the Starbucks). We were looking at writing books when we were supposed to be writing. I have been thinking a lot about my future lately and I decided that it’s time that I really start looking for publishers. I have two children’s books written and ready to leave the nest. So I found one of those books that lists publishing companies, agencies, magazines, etc. I wrote down a few publishing companies that represent picture books. So, while I finish Take Over, edit Hunter and Diary of a Lover, and write Saving Each Other for Camp NaNoWriMo, I’ll be sending my two picture books off to publishers.

Also, Writer’s Digest sent me a thing in the mail about their annual writing contest. I’ve done it before (and lost, obviously), but that was two or three years ago. I think I’m going to try to do it again this year. I think I’m going to send in a poem. I don’t write poems often, although I would like to. I wasn’t going to bother with the contest again this year, but the other day, in math class of all places, I thought of a poem idea. I think that was my inner muse saying, “Do the Writer’s Digest contest!” Because seriously, when do I come up with poem ideas?

Anyway, that’s that. Send my picture books to publishers, polish off my young adult novels, prepare for Camp NaNo, finish Take Over, do the contest…I have a lot on my plate right now. But I like it. I have wanted to be an author since I was ten and I finally want to get started on it. Meanwhile, I’m going to promote myself as much as possible. So follow me on here, on Twitter (the link is also on the Come Find Me page), and on my other Spilled Ink website. Then sit back and watch me succeed. Because I’m going to make it no matter what. 🙂

 

2013: 72,855/365,000 Words Written
2013: 1,749/18,250 Pages Read

The Resolution Begins!

Dun, Dun, Dunnn!

Hello everyone! Last time I said that my New Year’s resolution was to read more and to write more. Well, I didn’t start the reading one yet, but I started the writing one today! Go me!

Today my sister and I went to Barnes and Noble to get some writing done. We haven’t gone in a long time, so it was reall nice. Except the escalator broke…we has to walk up ourselves, which was fine but then they decided to fix it while I was in the bathroom. So the down escalator worked, but when I got out of the bathroom and tried to get back to the second floor, it was blocked off. I was sad because I had to use the elevator and I hate elevators…but I shared it with a lady and her two- and three-years-old daughters and her baby. So it was an interesting ride up.

Well, that was completely off topic…so I got some writing done today and it was then that I thought of treating January like a NaNo month. So I divided 50,000 by 31 days and I have to write 1,612 words a day. So since today was the second of the month I had to get to 3,226 words or so something like that. I made it to 3,435…I actually don’t remember the exact number, but it was something like that. It as over 3,226 and that’s all that matters.

I also started a new novel. This is because I just finished Saving Each Other so I have to write the next part, which is Seeing Things. Except I need a little break from that plot, the characters, the whole story. So I looked at my to do list page on here and I noticed that I had told myself to plan/outline The Blank Pagewhich is the first book of the Writers Group series.

I was in the mood to write it (which I was extremely happy t because I am usually never in the mood to write whatever I have to get done) and I could tell because I wrote a lot and I had an extremely fun time writing the first chapter. I came up with a lot of ideas for the book while writing the first chapter and I’m also in love with the characters.

Writers Group, I may have explained before, is a series about three people who met on a writing website and meet in person to write their own books together. The series is about them going through the ups and downs of writing together. Plot paths, character development, editing, you name it, they go through what all us writers go through. And with these characters, it just makes it fun and hysterical. Justin, the oldest is nice, but gets frustrated easily. Dominic is the gentleman and the peacemaker between the three of them. And Adair…well, she’s special. She’s young, she has a mind of her own, she’s very outspoken and…oh yeah, she’s a MAJOR coffee addict. It’s great.

With that being said, The Blank Page is about them meeting for the first time in person and starting their novels together. I’m really into it, so (as long as I have the time) I don’t think I’m going to have any trouble getting to 50,000 words. Honestly, I love his idea so much that I might actually finish the novel in the whole month…again, if I have the time. But we can keep our fingers crossed!

So that’s that. I still have to figure out the reading part of this whole resolution, but right now I’m really excited about the writing part and that’s taking up a lot of my brain at the moment. Also, I just thought of this now, I think I might keep a track of how many words in write this year. I’ll keep track on here, except I’ll put it in tomorrow’s post on account that I don’t know the exact amount of words I wrote today. I’m on my iPod right now, not my computer.

So I think that’s it for now…I will update with more tomorrow! 🙂

12 Pages

I Don’t Know How Many Left…I Can’t Do Math….

 

After I posted yesterday I wrote six more pages. Go me! Now, I had already had 40-something pages written when I started this whole challenge. I calculated yesterday that I should be at page 72 if I had actually written three pages a day. Well, today that would mean I should be at page 75 in my novel. I think I’m at page 60-something. I don’t have my flash drive plugged, so I can’t look. And I’m too lazy to plug it in because I have class soon.

As I was writing yesterday, I realized something about my novel. Well, first let me explain what I’m writing: it’s called A Job to Get Done and it’s about a thief who meets a detective and fall in love. Of course, that’s difficult because one is above the law and the other is below. I’ll get more into the details later, it’s too early in the morning right now.

My point being: I realized just how messed up the novel is. I’m on chapter six, page 60-something or other and I feel as though half of the novel is a bunch of pointless scenes. I know where I want the story to go, I know the ending and some of the middle part, but the middle that I don’t know what to do with, is a bunch of random things. Maybe I wrote those scenes for a reason and in the end, I will accidentally tie it in with another scene. But what if I don’t? I feel like just scraping all the recent things I wrote. I won’t…because I am hoping that I tie it in somehow. If I don’t…well, editing is going to be a pain. Which probably means that the novel isn’t going to get edited quickly…or soon, for that matter.

I also noticed that there are a lot of comical points in the novel. I did not intend for that to happen. The main character, Lynx, was supposed to be a tough girl and very serious-like. She’s supposed to do what she’s told. End of story. Yet, she is constantly questioning whether she is doing the right thing and she is very sarcastic. I feel as though she is the complete opposite of what she was supposed to be like. Again, editing is going to be a pain.

One last thing that I noticed…I have seven characters introduced in the novel so far. And so far only one, the protagonist, is female. That is another thing that I did not intend to happen. I should probably throw some more girls in there, huh? Well, I don’t really like girls, so I can see how I managed to not put any in the story. Yet, so far with all my novels, all my main characters have been female. …I just can’t wait for editing time.

There you have it. I’m a dumb writer. I can’t keep anything straight. But hey, at least I’m writing. I will talk more about the novel I’m writing now in later posts. Summaries, excerpts, fails of the novel…not so many wins, probably. I have a two classes today and a two-hour break in between them. So I think I’m going to get some more writing done then. The worst part is that I’m so exhausted, that whatever I write next is probably going to come out like crap. I’m here at school until 2:30 (It’s 8:30) now and then I have to work on my math project when I get home. At least I don’t have work, but…I’m too tired to even type this post. But I’m supposed to be positive, right? Well, here goes nothing:

Today’s gonna be a great day! 😀 *Twitch*

Lovely Finals!

Are You Ready For This One…?

I told you all that I am in school, correct? Well, this week is finals week. I only have two finals for the five classes I am taking. Tonight I took my Algebra II final. Here’s some background info for you before I tell the story:

I got an A in Algebra II during my junior year of high school. Then, when I took my placement test when I got to college, I placed into Algebra II. This forced me to take it before I moved up in math. The professor I took it with was a doofus. He had a thick foreign accent in which I could not understand anything he said. He bellowed-no, not spoken like a normal human being-he yowled like a pack of wolves feasting on a full moon. Most people raise their voice a tad bit to emphasize a word. No, not this guy, but how could he? His voice was already at the maximum volume. Yes, this guy would stomp his foot when he emphasized a word. He stomped his foot so hard on the ground as though he was a two-year-old not getting that lollipop he so desperately wants. Also, he assigned us homework and then the day the homework was due, he taught us how to do it. I got a C- in the class. Due to being in a special program, I needed a C or above in all my classes to pass. This caused me to take it yet again. I took it online because I could not deal with another professor. I got a D that time around because my professor was anything but helpful.

So, this is my third time taking it. I took it online. The professor has been the best one I’ve had so far (although I have to say that I still don’t like her very much…) and I have my boyfriend helping me out. I picked a smart one, thank God. I have an A right now, so let’s hope that this final doesn’t bring it all the way down. If it does go way down, even if I still make it with a C, I’ll have to retake the course because (since everything was online) they will assume someone else did the course for me. Yes, I had help. No, he did not do the actual work. He taught me. Ugh. Anyway….

Now that you see my frustrations with this class, you see why I was so nervous. The test was 6-8 PM. I exited the building that the library is in. All the way down yonder straight ahead was the building that I needed to be in. It’s a less-than-five-minute walk, but it looks as though it’s ten minutes. Now it’s the end of the semester, it’s night time, no one is there. There was not one soul. The whole campus was empty. The parking lots were full, but no one was around. It was cloudy, drizzling a little bit and it was getting a little on the dark side. I slowly walk. Alone. By myself. I say to myself, out loud: “I feel like I’m in a horror movie…it’s a ghost town!” Then what do I hear? Crows. Now I really feel like I’m in a horror movie! I quicken my step and then I make it to the building. Wonderful.

I enter said building. I was due to be in room 217. I assumed that was the second floor. Where is this second floor? What floor am I on? I am in a small hallway with two stair cases; one up and one down. Well, logic says down is the basement and up would be floor one. Let’s go up. Due to the rain, my shoes squeaked. No one was around, so I walked funny up the two flights of stairs as though I was dancing because the noise made me laugh. I see a door. I peek through the door. I see room 203 across the hall. Second floor, yay! I enter the bigger hallway and look to my right. There are a few kids sitting in the hallway. They look at me. I look away and then do a double-take. No, they weren’t looking at me. They were staring at me! Why…? I don’t know. I was confused. So, I smiled and gave them one of those head-nods and walked in the opposite direction. Luckily, that was where my class was.

I enter the classroom. There are three kids there. They all stare at me. What is everyone staring at me?! “Is this the math final?” I ask a little annoyed. “Algebra II?” one of the girls respond. “Yes,” I nod. She nods.

I go in the third row all the way to the back seat. I look to my right and next to me, but two rows over, is a guy in a suit. He wasn’t bad looking, but he was all hunched over and looked like a dweeb. I look to my left. The girl who answered me was in the next row, but in the very front seat. Then there was another chick that was four rows over in a middle seat. I look straight ahead and let out an exasperated sigh as I scope out the room.

Where is the clock? I cannot be in a room without a clock. How am I supposed to know the time? This is absurd. It’s madness! Oh, there it is. It’s on the bulletin board…right. Because that’s the first place people look for a clock! Then I realize that it’s 5:35…wait, what? Why am I here so early? How did I get here so early? Whatever…but now what am I going to do as I wait…?

I try to shift my feet, but the slip causing a loud, high-pitched squeak. I giggle. I keep moving my feet to keep making the squeaking noises. I bob my head back and forth and look a little to the right and then see Mr. Dweeb next to me giving me a dirty look. I pause and slowly look the other way. Wow. I sure got on his nerves…let’s do it again!

Trying not to laugh out loud, I start shifting my feet. I have a huge grin on my face as I stare at him, but his back is turned towards me. He’s not looking. I keep shifting my feet. Well, now he’s just being boring. I keep doing it as I look over to the other side of the room and there I see the two girls both giving me nasty looks. I stop immediately. I have to admit they looked a little scary to me. Even after I stop they still glare at me. So I smiled at them. They both look away without smiling back…I think one of them rolled their eyes.

Now before I explain this I have to say one thing: even though I was squeaking my shoes on purpose, this was actually not meant to bother them. I wanted to bother them with my shoes, but when I realized they could probably jump me, I decided against bothering them. But…I just had to crack my knuckles. I had no idea that all ten knuckles would crack and they would be at once causing it to be extremely loud.

Without missing a beat, all three of them whipped their heads around and gave me the nastiest looks I had ever seen in my life. I mean…it was just hilarious. I smiled at them and I even waved, but I didn’t get much of a response from any of them. They just looked away and then (this was an accident, too) I laughed. Out loud. One of them glanced over at me real quick, but that was it.

I have to say, I think I did pretty crappy on the test. I don’t understand how I could do something like that with all the work I have done with my boyfriend, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Either way, good grade or bad, that math final was the highlight of my night. For that reason and also because when the test started, the proctor moved all our seats so we were closer together. Usually they move us farther a part in case of cheating, but whatever…anyway, I got to sit behind the girl who answered me at the beginning. I could tell by the look on her face that she was not amused.

I have to admit-it made me smile.

…I am so not a nice person…

😉