A Million Dreams [Life]

I have a problem. And the problem is that I want to do too many things. When I say too many things, I mean I want to do all of the things.

By things, I mean I want to continue blogging on here and on Double Jump. I also have three other ideas for blogs. If they all come to be that’d be a whopping total of five blogs (maybe more).

I want to keep writing and reading. I want to write for magazines and other blogs. I want to write and publish my own novels. I want to continue writing book reviews and beta read for others among other freelance type work. I would like to, one day, create an online literary magazine and share the work of others, especially new writers trying to get their voices heard.

I want to start a YouTube channel for both this blog and my gaming blog. I want to continue talking and reviewing books and video games as well as convey fun and entertaining information about the two topics to everyone.

There are so many other things I want to do. I want to create comics (with Kris because Lord knows I can’t draw), I want to create a video game, and there’s so much more that I can’t even really talk about. (Mostly because it’s ridiculous. Like, I want to create music and I don’t know the first thing about that.)

I don’t know where all of this came from. I don’t know where I got these ideas. I don’t know why my brain aches to be so creative. One would think writing a couple books and running two blogs would be enough, but no. I want to do more.

I want to teach myself to film and edit videos. I want to teach myself how to create a video game and see what makes my favorite games tick. I want to share my learnings with all of you, my blogger, gaming, and writing friends who have been in touch with me for years now.

But… it’s hard. No one said it would be easy, I knew it was going to be hard. Still, I honestly didn’t think I’d be at this point in my life.

It’s one thing to have almost 5,000 followers on this blog (seriously, thank you guys!) but it’s another thing to sit down at my desk one night – last night – and create a massive to-do list on things I have to get done with what I have now as well as what I need to do in order to start new projects.

It’s a lot and I’m excited. I can’t wait to get started on any new projects or to continue old ones. I actually have a publication timeline (as long as I can get certain things in order on time, things should go according to plan).

The downside of it all is money. I quit my job almost a year ago to pursue these many passions. I’m lucky to still be living with my parents who are supportive and encouraging enough to allow me to try this. I had freelance writing and babysitting to fall back on, but babysitting hasn’t been as consistent (their dad got a new job and they don’t need me as often) and the freelance writing… well, that hasn’t been consistent either. Most of the gigs I do are for free to gain experience and while there’s nothing wrong with that and I’m grateful for the opportunities, I still have bills to pay and I feel kind of stuck. The few gigs I have had that are paid haven’t been consistent either.

I by no means am complaining about any of this, even though it seems like it. It’s confusing and a learning curve. I am the definition of a struggling artist and it’s honestly kind of cool to give myself that title as frustrating as it may seem. It’s not easy to teach yourself all these things, let alone doing everything yourself.

I don’t want to say quitting my job was a mistake because I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have this past year if I was still working full time plus babysitting. Nine hours have been added to my day and it’s been wonderful. I can actually have a life too and hang out with my friends once in a while.

I don’t have a lot of bills and the bills I do have aren’t much, which is great. But when I made my list of things to do the other night, I bummed myself out.

I need to find an editor, I need to find a book cover artist. I need to buy certain equipment for a YouTube channel (I can start now and plan to soon, but in the near future I’m going to need some other stuff). I want to have the ability to host giveaways for you guys among other things.

I apologize for this post being too rambly or woe-is-me. I don’t mean to come off like that, if I am, and I don’t mean to complain. I feel like I know most of you well enough and you, hopefully, know me well enough, that I feel comfortable explaining this to you as I try to gather my thoughts.

I think money in general – having enough to get started, because let’s face it, you need to put in money in order to make money, and also getting compensated for all your hard work – is a common problem amongst us writers; amongst artists and creators in general.

When you have the discipline like me to work from home for 12 hours a day creating blog posts, graphics, creative writing, filming, etc., you want to be compensated for your hard work. We put our hearts and souls into these creative projects.

People like it too. I’m grateful for the number of followers I have. I have a good amount of daily views who read, like, and comment on my posts. I have a pretty good relationship with most of my readers and I’ve made a lot of friends.

There are a few people out there who enjoy my Wattpad stories, who have told me they’re looking forward to my YouTube channel whenever I start it (fall 2018, just so you know). There have been plenty of people who have told me they can’t wait for my mystery series to come out. (I’m not revealing my publishing plans yet just in case something happens, but it’s coming.)

This is why I started a Patreon page. I’ll admit I feel a bit odd asking for donations. When I think of donations I think of charity organizations for something more serious than me creating a novel or video series for YouTube. Still, there’s nothing wrong with asking for commissions for your hard, creative work. The rest of the world doesn’t really see it as such and creators need to make a living too, right?

I swear this post wasn’t a ploy to ask for people to donate to my Patreon page. I’ve been holding these thoughts and feelings in a for a while and decided I should share them with all of you. I hope most of you understand where I’m coming from. Still, if you want to at least check out the page, please feel free to do so. It’d make me happy.

Like I said, I’m grateful and I can’t believe I’ve come so far in less than a year. No, I’m not “there” yet and there’s a lot that’s slow due to budgeting, but I can’t complain.

Thank you guys, for everything. Especially for making it this far in this post.

Have you ever felt like this before? Whether it’s money or the fact you want to do so much and don’t have enough time or resources to get it all done? Let me know in the comments below. If you liked this post, please share it around.

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20 thoughts on “A Million Dreams [Life]

  1. Keep going, there’s never been a better time to work from home because the world is at your finger tips. Your head sounds like mine, in a whirl, learning and trying new things and having new ideas all the time; except I’ve got a lot less years left to do it In! The lists are a good idea, you can’t do it all at once, but if it’s on the list, you know you will each each eventually.

    • Thank you, that’s what I’m doing. I’m proud of the path I took and the things I’m trying to do. But there are some days I want to rip my hair out, lol. I can’t complain though. 🙂
      Good luck to you in your adventures as well.

  2. Yeah, I have felt like that before. You are certainly not along, Rachel, especially during a time when there are so many opportunities available and choices to make. I think they key here is prioritizing all those goals and tracing plans to achieve them. =)

    I wish you success on that journey!

  3. This is the most relatable thing I have read today.I literally have such a similar blogpost to yours on my blog.I totally feel you.And to be honest I think that the ones who have this motivation,like you and me,have the perks too.Like,we’re usually always energetic and ready to achieve.I hope you’re not over-working yourself though<3keep blogging:)

    • Ah, thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one. And you’re right, I am always ready to work and eager to begin or continue something. No, I don’t think I’m overworking myself. I know when to take breaks/days off. But then I sometimes feel guilty, lol.
      I wish you all the best with your own projects and adventures! Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  4. Relatable for sure. My blog is just scratching the three month old mark and if it makes you feel any better, I frequently check out your page and think “I can’t wait until my blog is like hers!”

    It’s a difficult line to tread. Like you, I have a creative storm constantly churning in my mind and in my heart: books I want to write, games I want to play, songs I want to sing, people I want to meet, ideas I want to share and stories I want to tell. What could be better than making a living off of one’s passions!?

    I’m very fortunate to work a great job that pays very competitively and affords me the time and flexibility to balance out my life needs. At the same time, I sometimes find myself resenting the time I have to spend in the office because I think about what else I could be doing and where else I could be doing it. What I need to remind myself of though, is that the ability to do what I love (blog, game, day dream), as often as I am able to do it, is the real joy here.

    Would I like to get paid to review games? Sure. But I’m doing it now for the love of the game. Do I want to leave a lasting imprint on the world with a successfully published fantasy series? Absolutely. And I’ll keep writing until I run out of things to say.

    Take comfort in that you have the opportunity to create, that you’re good at what you do and that the best way to be successful is just to keep going. When opportunity knocks, you’ll already have tea brewing 🙂 You’ve got a lot going for you.

    Thank you for sharing.

    • Thank you, you just explained my thoughts a lot better than I did, lol. I am very fortunate where I am right now and I do everything I do because I love it and I’ve made so many friends along the way and have learned a lot. I’m not doing any of this to “get rich quick” or anything. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy thing to get into, but there are certainly some days I feel like, “Why can’t this just be done?”

      I can’t complain (I hope this post didn’t come off like that). I’ve made it this far and this is farther than I ever imagined.

  5. It’s a good thing you’re excited and enthusiastic, while also acknowledging the fact you have a difficult road ahead if you’re going to reach your goals. That’s what’s going to help you through. Good luck with it all… I’m happy to be part of your journey, and look forward to seeing which of your dreams you manage to make come true.

    • Thank you. 🙂 I’m grateful for the many, many people who show up on my blog each and every day and actually care about what I have to say, lol.

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