Reacting To Old Stories (Part One)

A few weeks again, I talked about why I love fan fiction.

There was a website I loved called FanFiction. I started my first story when I was 10 and posted it on my sister’s account, but when I became old enough to have my own account I “revised” the story. I updated it because 13-year-old-me thought 10-year-old-me had horrendous writing.

Well, now I’m 23 and I’m thinking that 13-year-old-me had horrendous writing just as much as 10-year-old-me.

So, as embarrassing as this is going to be, I’m going to pick apart the very first “novel” I ever wrote.

Well. The first chapter, anyway. It’s called “Four Fathers” and was fan fiction for the 2003 TV show, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Reacting to Old Stories (part one)

That evening Donny, Mikey, Leo, and Raph were training in their rooms. Until, I came down.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Master Splinter yelled.

Ah, yes. I remember I loved using all caps.

All of the turtles ran out of their rooms and went to Master Splinter.

“Master Splinter! Are you all right?” Leo asked.

“I am fine, Leonardo. But who is this?” Master Splinter asked.

“I’m not quite sure but whoever she is we need to figure out her name and get her back where she-”

“OH SHUT UP, DONNY! Don’t get into your little speeches!” Raph yelled.

“I wasn’t. I had one more word and then I was done.” Donny corrected.

You also have to appreciate the lack of description here.

“Hi.” I said to Raph.

“Hi.” Raph said annoyed.

“Hi,” I said again.



“Hi.” He wasn’t starting to look to happy. On the other hand, he didn’t look happy to begin with!


Well, this is annoying…


“Your mean!” I shouted back.



“I’LL BE UP IN MY ROOM.” Raph stormed up the stairs.

There goes the all caps again. Also,Β you’re.

“Michelangelo…do not tease your brother like that.” Master Splinter ordered.

“Why not?! It’s funny!”

Yes. Because Mikey teasing his brother is priority number one when they have a strange young girl in their home. In the sewers. How did she get down there again…?

“Hi. My name is Donatello, but you can call me Donny. What’s your name?” Donny asked.

“…” I answered.

I didn’t answer anything.

“O-k. Then why are you down here?” he asked

“Why are you down here?” I asked right back.

“This is my home.”

“This is my home.” I snickered.

“No, it’s not.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Leo…she’s copying me,” he whined.

“Leo…she’s copying me.”

This is still annoying.

“Let me try. Hi.-” Leo said.

“Shut up.” I told him.

“WELL! That does it! I’ll be up in my room, thank you very much!” He went up after his brother.

Leo’s temper is just as bad as Raph’s, apparently.

“Bye-bye!” I waved.

“Ok, this is going to be tougher that I thought.” Donny said.


“Hello. What is your name?” Master Splinter asked.

“…” I didn’t answer.

“How come she has a hard time keeping her mouth shut, but when you ask her her name, why doesn’t she talk?” Master Splinter asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t have one. Do you have a name?” Donny asked.

“Your cute,” I answered. I think he turned red.

You’re. And how old is this chick?

“O-k, then.”

“Hee, hee!” Mikey laughed.

“Don’t start! If you think this is so funny, than you try,” Donny said.

“Ok I will! Do you have a name?” Mikey asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Ok. We’ll have to name her.” Mikey yawned. “I’ll be up in my room.”

Okay, bye?

Master Splinter and Donny couldn’t believe how he just did it like that. They couldn’t do anything but give eachother blank stares. The next day Donny came running down stairs begging for Master Splinter to let them keep me. He had suddenly became attached to me. I slept in Donny’s room because Leo and Raph didn’t want me because I was mean to them. So with Mikey, he wanted me but Donny didn’t want me too because otherwise, we would be belching all night. So Master Splinter said yes to keeping me.

Wow! An actual paragraph! Except not really… Also, I’m not going to go into the many things that are wrong with this block of text. Though I counted quite a few things horribly wrong with these seven sentences.

“This is so great! We can be Five Fathers!” Donny said excidedly.

Roll credits! Oh, wait…

“For the next 5 months it will be four. I’m going to Washington, bye!” Master Splinter said.

Washington?! Why is the rat-ninja master going to Washington when they live in the sewers of New York? What business does he have in Washington?

“Well that’s not too bad. The four of us can handle a little girl.”

“Three of us. I’m teaching a karate class all day today. Bye,” Raph said.

But they’reΒ hiding in the sewers. Humans aren’t supposed to see them. Where is Raph teaching this karate class…?

” Ok then three of us…”

“Two, I’m helping out at the Daycare Center all day, bye,” Mikey said.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Teacher!

“Make that-”

“-one. I have to go food shopping and run a lot of errands so I won’t be back until at least 8. See ya later! Good luck!” Leo said.

Well, then. I guess someone has to get food and stuff, but still. They’re hiding in the sewers.

“Help me.” Donny pleaded to nobody. I just smiled evilly.

And that’s the end of chapter one.

Re-reading this sent me right down memory lane. I laughed, I cried, and I cringed… But not for the right reasons.

I cannot express enough how much I want to edit this thing. Halfway through this post, I forgot I was just commentating on it and I started adding more description and deleting stupid dialogue. Then I realized that’s not the point of this post and had to un-do everything and bring back the cringe-worthy writing.

But I can’t complain too much. The writing and story are horrible, yes, but look how much my writing has grown? I wrote this when I was 10-years-old. The story was published on the website on January 27, 2005. That was nearly 12 years ago!

It’s amazing how much my writing has improved, how much I’ve learned. And it’s also amazing that I’ve stuck with writing through all these years.

So, as embarrassing as posting this story is, feel free to laugh and enjoy the mistakes and terrible writing. Because if I didn’t write this story, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

What’s the earliest story you ever wrote? How has your writing improved since then?

Read Part Two.

rachel poli sign off

Twitter | Tumblr | Pinterest | GoodReadsΒ | Double Jump

17 thoughts on “Reacting To Old Stories (Part One)

  1. Ha ha we all have to start somewhere right? I don’t think I wrote full stories at that age (apart from school required ramblings) but I’m going to assume I was the same. Perhaps you’ve always been a mystery writer and your young mind was building in the mystery by being very very very vague about everything.

  2. Fascinating! This is called protocol analysis–something we “tried” back in the 70’s to learn how people wrote. We had them read what they had written (although not from the distance in years as you have done here) and comment (into a tape recorder) on what they had written as they wrote it. You, my dear, have taken it to a whole new level and have incorporated the concepts of “revise” and “rewrite” into it. I think you’re into something worth proposing as a writing technique. Thank you for inspiring me as you ALWAYS do.

  3. Oh god the cringe. I have 70+ fanfics floating around the Internet, and reading your post now, I’m trying very hard to resist looking at them, because I know, I just know they will feature every element on your list and more. Thank you for the laugh, though! πŸ˜€

    • It’s funny to look back! I’m glad I gave you a laugh. But just think about how much you’ve improved since then. πŸ™‚

  4. This is fantastic. I found it quite entertaining πŸ˜€ I’m sure it’s cringe-worthy to you, but to me it reads like the very creative mind of a 10-year-old. Now I want to dig up some of my old stories. Thanks for sharing!

  5. While it has a lot of mistakes, that’s pretty good for a 10-year-old. And so creative! You’ve definitely come a long way as a writer. I’m glad you stuck with it. πŸ™‚
    I dug up some old notebooks in my excitement and uh… they’re okay, but I was much older (I think 13). I can’t find my earliest stories. I know I wrote something about trees, but I don’t know where I put it.

Let me know your thoughts!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.