Everything Is Ruined

Because…

This is the writing prompt I used to help me get out of my writer’s block. This is not my best work, I have to say…I’m not all that thrilled with it, but I do find it a little amusing. After all, if it helped me get back into a groove with my writing, how terrible can this story be?

Prompt: Everything is Ruined Because…

“Everything is ruined because of you!”

“Sweetheart, darling, pumpkin!” I pleaded while dodging a glass vase being thrown at my head.

“Don’t call me pumpkin!” she screamed.

“Sweetheart, darling…” I obeyed her request. “I don’t understand why you are so upset. Please talk to me…”

“Oh, you make me so…so…angry!” she was frantically looking around for something else to throw at me. She seemed very determined to not miss again.

I lowered myself on the ground to pick up the shards of glass. “Don’t come any closer, dear. You’re not wearing any shoes or socks.” I smirked as I watched her feet dance around the room. “Did you get a pedicure, my dear?”

“Shut up!”

“Yes, ma’am,” I swallowed.

Oh, this was not a pretty picture. This was not one of the finest moments of my wife and I. Although, I should probably explain everything from the beginning, huh? Maybe together you and I can figure out why she found it amusing to chuck her favorite vase at me…among other fragile objects.

Yes, the man picking up the glass pieces is yours truly, Dexter Humphrey. The woman—you know, the one with smoke coming out of her ears—is my wife, Lacey Humphrey. As you can clearly see, Lacey is angry. She is angry at me. Why? That is what I don’t understand. She says that I ruined everything…I don’t know what that means.

Let me rewind to the morning and hopefully I will find something during the day that will make me realize what I did to upset her so much.

*

“Good morning, my darling!” I cheerfully entered the kitchen upon waking up from a wonderful night of rest.

“Good morning,” Lacey smiled. I kissed her on the cheek before sitting down at the table opening the newspaper.

“Um,” Lacey sighed. “I took the day off from work today.”

I looked up from the paper for a pause. “How sweet, you wanted to spend the day with your loving husband.” I never work on Friday.

“Well, of course.” Lacey chuckled. “Why else would I bother to take the day off?”

“Well, we need the money, so I have no idea why else you would take off a random Friday.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Random Friday?” she whispered.

I have no idea why she repeated that.

“Dex, isn’t there anything you want to say to me?”

I looked up from my paper once more. “Ah, yes. What’s for breakfast, my darling?”

Lacey frowned again. “Would you like to go out? You know, since it’s the 31st…of July.”

I scrunched up my face. “No, dear; we only go out for breakfast when there is a special occasion.”

“Yes,” Lacey looked hopeful.

“Glad you agree,” I cleared my throat. “What’s for breakfast?”

She did not answer me as she began to cook…yet, I did hear a faint growl coming from her direction.

*

Lacey followed me out of the kitchen after breakfast. “When I finish cleaning up, what would you like to do?”

I scratched my belly. “Video games? All of my colleagues have beaten Skyward Sword and I am still puzzled on that one damn part.”

“Video games?” Why was she repeating everything I said?

“Yes, dear; I do this every Friday while you are at work.”

“Well, I took the day off because I thought you and I would do something…together.” Lacey took a deep breath. She looked as though something was troubling her.

I grinned. “You finally want to learn how to play video games! Oh, joy! We shall start off with something easy…Mario Kart!” I dashed out of the room to go get the game. But as I ran away, I could feel her glaring at me behind my back.

*

“Let’s go out for dinner!” Lacey announced with a smile. “Maybe that will jog your memory…”

“Excuse me?” I looked up from the TV putting the game on pause. “My memory is top notch, thank you very much!” I had no idea why she was making fun of my memory.

“Obviously,” she scoffed. “You forgot something important today and still haven’t realized that you forgot something!” her anger was growing.

“I never forget a thing. You must be mistaken.” I laughed.

Lacey sat down on the couch and began to sob. “This whole day is ruined…”

I rubbed her back. “Darling, nothing is ruined. I shall help with dinner, if that is what you wish.”

She jumped off of the couch and shouted. “Everything is ruined because of you!”

Then…oh, we’re back to where we started. I am still on the floor attempting to pick up the pieces of my wife’s shattered heart…metaphorically speaking.

Then it hit me like a glass vase!

“Honey, I know what has been bothering you.” I stood up with my arms stretched out. She calmed down, but only for a moment as I wrapped her up into a big hug.

“Happy birthday!”

I said she was only calm for a moment. I was soon shoved off of her as she screamed, “It’s our anniversary!”

Oops…

“I’m sorry, darling…I will make it up to you. That is the funny thing about anniversaries, you know. They come once year. There’s always next year!”

And that was when she threw the book at my noggin.

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